Medication Mediation

Eureka! I just knew it had to happen, and my prediction has been confirmed! Today I heard a commercial for a website that offers prescriptions for all those drugs we think we need, but without that pesky doctor's visit and the inherent cost.

Now, I have been aware for some time of a black market existing on the internet for products previously unobtained by any other than nefarious means. But...of all places, I heard this on a Christian radio station, and I beg you to draw your own conclusions about that. Anyway, this website allows you to pick a drug, give a brief medical history, and to then submit an order for the drug of your choice. According to the site, an MD will then review your history and reason for soliciting the medication, and if approved, submit your request to a licensed pharmacist, who will then place his or her stamp of approval on your app and ship it you, dear consumer, via Fed Ex!

Among the candy on the counter: Viagra, Prozac, muscle relaxants, birth control methods (including the patch), weight loss drugs, and Lamosil; in case that nasty yellow nail just won't go away.

I considered many of the above. Hmmm, it all just seemed so readily available and outrageously expensive too! I could erase, and at the same time, satisfy addictions in one easy credit card payment, no nosy doctor involved! I could increase my (or my partner's) sexual appetite, laugh at daily doldrums in a chemically induced haze, feel no pain, never again worry about those annoying "fertile" times of the month, be model thin, and have the clearest toenails my pedicurist has ever laid her yellow eyeballs on!

In the end and after careful consideration, I decided to order up a thousand dollar supply of Zoloft to be sent, in a plain brown wrapper, to my mother in law. I am quite sure that all of MY problems will be solved in this way, and at less expense.

I will be much more in the mood (wink) due to her lack of demands and the arguments induced thereby. I will surely feel more relaxed since she will no longer need to be catered to constantly (I imagine just one trip to Blockbuster to procure a week long supply of Meg Ryan and Kevin Kline movies, in addition to the medication, will do). I can forget about creating another grandchild; I will lose weight simply because I will be free to do other, more healthful things than answering phone calls that beseech me to review and dissect the latest tear jerk novel, and gosh, my nails will be so happy as a result of my overall physical wellness that they will naturally be pink (thus saving me trips to the nail salon; giving me a bonus of monetary savings). Oh and no, I don't have nail fungus, I am just using my imagination; but an ounce of prevention and all that, you never know.

Think she'll take the hint, and more importantly, follow the directions?